September 22, 2003
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in this issue
-- The Ugliest Pooch in the Pound
-- Answer to Last Week's Brainteaser
-- Recommended Reading
-- This Week in Pictures
-- Surf's up, Go easy on the starch
-- On second thought, maybe I'll do it myself
-- Happy Meals ARE Weapons of Mass Destruction
-- So where do the blue haired ladies sit?
-- This Week's Brainteaser
-- Quote of the Week

Several people asked if they can send this newsletter to their sales people or friends. Yes you may. Either type in one email address below, or send me a list of addresses and I'll do it for you.

The Ugliest Pooch in the Pound back to top
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My friend Lewis has a mental disorder. Oh, he doesn't need a lobotomy or anything like that. In fact, he's allowed to roam freely among us acting pretty much like a normal human being. Meeting him, you wouldn't imagine that under his placid middle-aged face lies a seriously disturbed individual.

His problem is his dog.

Lewis is crazy in love with his dog Beau.

His office, his wallet, his home, and God only knows what other personal surfaces are plastered with images of his little buddy. When Louie starts talking about his "baby," he just won't shut up.

"Here's Beau at the beach, Beau in the yard, Beau on the sofa, Beau in a tree, Beau at the Louvre, Beau's birthday party" and on and on until someone creates a diversion (like faking an epileptic seizure) that breaks Lewis's obsessive rambling.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I must tell you that despite his good doggie disposition Beau is perhaps the ugliest mongrel on the planet.

Side note . . . Lewis reads this newsletter each week. If I put in his real name or an actual photo of his ugly mutt in here, he'd probably tattoo my kneecaps with one of his high-powered hunting rifles. He's a little touchy about his flea-bitten pal. (If you think you know who the real Lewis is, email me his or her name and I'll tell you if you're right.)

The love affair began a few moments before Beau was scheduled to check out of the Humane Society Hilton. Unclaimed for 60 days, his vacation was nearing its end.

A friend at the pound called Louie and explained the situation. Feeling magnanimous, he adopted Beau.

The lady at the Humane Society said that no one paid attention to Beau because he wasn't cute like the other puppies. (Talk about an understatement).

He would probably make a decent pet because of his disposition, but he was never seriously considered by anyone simply because he didn't catch people's eyes.

So what can an ugly mutt teach us about the Yellow Pages? Plenty.

The 2003 Yellow Pages Industry Usage Study recently published by the YPIMA reports that

50% of shoppers considered 3 or fewer Yellow Pages ads before making a purchase.

This means that if your ad isn't arrestingly attractive enough to be one of the first 3 ads considered, at least half of the customers you're trying to reach will never even see it.

In his book "Effective Yellow Pages Advertising for Lawyers," Kerry Randall identifies Six Key Ingredients to every successful ad:

1. Strong headlines that command attention and engage readers
   
   
2. A laser-sharp focus; a willingness to ignore most readers
   
   
3. Arresting, eye-captivating illustrations or photographs
   
   
4. Clearly identifiable differences (from competitive advertisers)
   
   
5. Relevant copy (text) that covers less than 50% of the ad space
   
   
6. Professional-looking, clutter-free design

These keys are nothing new, but the research study shows just how important it is to be one of the first ads that catch people's eyes. Here's what they asked:

How Many Ads Did You Look At Before Making A Purchase?

Source: The 2003 Yellow Pages Industry Usage Study - Yellow Pages I.M.A.

The story is always the same . . .

If you aren't the lead dog, the view never changes.

Your ad had better stand out from the pack if you expect better than average results.

Answer to Last Week's Brainteaser back to top
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Buford and Festus were guarding their still to watch for revenuers (federal revenue agents).

Buford faced up the road to watch for anyone approaching from the North. Festus looked down the road to see if anyone approached from the South.

Suddenly Buford said to Festus, "Why are you smiling?"

How did Buford know that Festus was smiling?

Click Here to See the Answer & Our Winner

Recommended Reading back to top
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It's a great idea to build a resource center in your office of books, tapes and videos that are available to those who want to improve their skills.

Imagine the difference between listening to a great motivational tape and listening to Howard Stern just before walking in to see an account.

	Getting Through: Cold Calling Techniques to Get Your Foot in the Door Nearly everyone can benefit from these timeless and valuable telephone techniques. Listening while driving is a very effective way to improve your performance. Buy it at Amazon.
	Unlimited Referrals: Secrets That Turn Business Relationships Into Gold (6 Cassette Audio Album) Being referred by a current customer is a thousand times more valuable than walking in cold. Buy it at Amazon.
	I am amazed that more of the professionals in this industry haven't bought this book to help their people become more successful. If you won't invest in training your people, how do you expect them to build the skills they need? This is an outstanding book on Yellow Pages advertising. It helps anyone who relies on the Yellow Pages for customers to design ads that will have the maximum impact. It's specifically targeted to attorneys, but the lessons apply to every Yellow Pages advertiser. Buy it at Amazon.

This Week in Pictures back to top
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C'mon duck,

Tell them it's ALFAC!

My name is still Ben AFLAC.

Y'all can quit calling me Bennifer Lopez now.

I received a nasty letter recently

Surf's up, Go easy on the starch back to top
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I brought our ironing board with us on vacation so that my wife would have something to do while I was at the beach.


It seemed like a good idea at the time.







photo (c) www.extremeironing.com

This will kill you way before SARS does

On second thought, maybe I'll do it myself back to top
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My wife thought that it would be a better idea if I did the ironing and then she proceeded to kick me off of a cliff.








photo (c) www.extremeironing.com

This was a pretty tough brain teaser

Happy Meals ARE Weapons of Mass Destruction back to top
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President Bush announced that the US Military would be seeking corporate sponsorships to defray the costs of the war on terror.

My review of a recent best selling book

So where do the blue haired ladies sit? back to top
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My friends in Abeline suggested that we play "Texas Bingo" to raise money for local charities.






Could somebody explain to me how this works? I'm confused.

I put a self-proclaimed Yellow Pages expert to the test

This Week's Brainteaser back to top
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Buford was lost in the forest and came across two hermits. One had three loaves of bread and the other one had five loaves of bread.

The three men agreed to share the eight loaves of bread equally amongst themselves.

After they had eaten, Buford gave the hermits eight dollars to pay them for the bread.

How should the two hermits fairly divide the money?

Email your answer (along with your name, company name and mailing address) to puzzler@dicklarkin.com

We'll select one entry to win a cool prize with a year's supply of bragging rights.


Quote of the Week back to top
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Half the money I spend on advertising is wasted; the trouble is I don't know which half.

John Wanamaker (1838 - 1922)




Y'know, if he advertised in the Yellow Pages, he wouldn't have had that problem.

More about John Wanamaker

Contact Information back to top
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email: newsletters@dicklarkin.com
voice: 858-614-5425
web: http://www.dicklarkin.com
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