Send This Page To a Friend Public Speaking Resources Home Sign up to receive the weekly newsletter or read past editions. Get Dick Larkin's Free Newsletters Email: 100% spam free since 1963 Find your Favorite Article ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dick Larkin's Marketing Moment Marian King's Crackhead Son June 16, 2003 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ in this issue -- Joey the Crackhead -- Answer to Last Week's Brainteaser -- Is it DUCT tape or DUCK tape? I'm confused. -- This Week in Pictures -- AARP Rocks! -- Yeah, but it's Dolphin Safe . . . -- Would you like the undercoating with that? -- What would you do for a Klondike Bar? -- This Week's Brainteaser Joey the Crackhead ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Marian King did not wake up this morning and say, "I'd really like to hang out with a lawyer today. I hope I can find one that has a cheeky smile, an oversized mahogany desk and an intimidating library of law books." Mind you, I have nothing against attorneys. In fact, some of my best friends have been sued by attorneys. Personally, I usually only hang with lawyers when they're pretending to be real people (or buying me beer). What happened at 3 o'clock this morning is that Marian King's crackhead son, Joey got in trouble. Really, Really, Big Trouble. Shortly after midnight, sweet, lovable, 27-year-old Joey got busted burglarizing the home of an elderly couple. Six hours later, Marian is a basket case. She has no one to turn to. Her ex-husband is off gallivanting with "the bimbo", Marian's never even talked to a criminal lawyer, and she's petrified that the Elizabeth Arden set over at the Junior League will find out. Marian wants to keep her little crackhead from doing hard time and she needs a good lawyer pronto! She does NOT care . . . How big the lawyer's desk is If the lawyer's name is on a building If the lawyer graduated Magna cum laude from Harvard or Summa cum later from the Sally Struthers Correspondence School How many law books the lawyer owns If the lawyer is a former prosecutor, cop, judge or exotic dancer What Marian Wants . . . Marian wants a lawyer who will keep Joey from becoming the next sorority sweetheart at Texas State (and I don't mean university). The bottom line. . . When Marian opens the Yellow Pages, she's looking for a lawyer who will stand beside her . . . and guide her . . . through the night . . . with a light . . . from a bulb. If your ad gives her what SHE wants, you've got a new client today. If your ad doesn't address HER needs, you'll never even know why she called someone else. Everything in your ad should give Marian reasons to call you. Time to Buy "Effective Yellow Pages Advertising for Lawyers" Answer to Last Week's Brainteaser ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Buford's cousin Schlumpy is a smuggler living in France. Every day, he bicycles across the border into Germany with his backpack. Although the customs officials search his pack every day, they've never found his illegal booty. Do you know what Schlumpy is smuggling? Apparently, many of my readers are familiar with smuggling tricks of the trade. However, most answers were only partially correct. Check the answer and this week's winner Is it DUCT tape or DUCK tape? I'm confused. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of bandages and duct tape. Groucho Marx.   Americans buy about 1.5 billion feet of duct tape annually. 3M Corporation This quote was sent in by Michelle Nichols, the BusinessWeek Online writer, speaker and sales trainer. She's an inspiration personally and professionally. You should read her articles. They're very good. Link to Michelle's Cool Website This Week in Pictures ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Victoria's Secret is finally revealed. This photo was sent in by Jean Piette at Switchboard.com, who provides plenty of TLC to my team. Link to Jean's website AARP Rocks! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In an effort to boost cookie sales, the Girl Scouts have relaxed their rules on mandatory retirement ages. Dick's Fun Facts about Oklahoma Yeah, but it's Dolphin Safe . . . ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Marine Corps have begun the rehabilitation program for captured terrorists. One of the new jobs is Extreme Marine Biology. How to get paid $5 for going to the bathroom Would you like the undercoating with that? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Why I no longer buy GM cars. What would you do for a Klondike Bar? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Have you ever seen a Purple Cow? This Week's Brainteaser ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Match character names with the correct show. ----------------------------------------------------- Question 1: Rudy, Theo, Olivia, and Elvin? A. Good Times B. The Cosby Show C. The Fresh Prince Of Bel- Air D. A Different World ----------------------------------------------------- Question 2: Marcy, Bud, and Jefferson? A. Family Ties B. Married...With Children C. Cheers D. Three's Company ----------------------------------------------------- Question 3: Angela, Sam, and Mona? A. Home Improvement B. Charles In Charge C. Who's The Boss? D. Cheers ----------------------------------------------------- Question 4: Andy, Alex, and Skippy? A. None Of These B. Family Matters C. Family Ties D. Married...With Children ----------------------------------------------------- Question 5: Helen, Janet, and Larry? A. Cheers B. Coach C. Who's The Boss? D. Three's Company ----------------------------------------------------- Question 6: Rachel, Eddie, Myrtle, Waldo, and Myra? A. Family Ties B. Family Matters C. Good Times D. Sanford And Son ----------------------------------------------------- Question 7: Gloria, Edith, and Michael? A. Family Ties B. All In The Family C. Golden Girls D. I Love Lucy ----------------------------------------------------- Question 8: Buddy, Jamie, and Lilian? A. The Facts Of Life B. Married...With Children C. Charles In Charge D. Who's The Boss? ----------------------------------------------------- Question 9: Woody, Carla, and Cliff? A. Cheers B. Three's Company C. Charles In Charge D. Mama's Family ----------------------------------------------------- Question 10: Uncle Phil, Geoffrey, Hilary and Will? A. Living Single B. Martin C. The Fresh Prince Of Bel- Air D. Sanford And Son ----------------------------------------------------- Question 11: Max, Overton, and Synclaire? A. Living Single B. Good Times C. A Different World D. The Cosby Show ----------------------------------------------------- Question 12: Gina, Pam, and Sheneneh? A. Martin B. A Different World C. Living Single D. Sanford And Son ----------------------------------------------------- Question 13: Blair, Tootie, and Mrs. Garrett? A. The Facts Of Life B. Three's Company C. A Different World D. Family Matters ----------------------------------------------------- Question 14: Mike, Carol, and Ben? A. Who's The Boss? B. Home Improvement C. Growing Pains D. Married...With Children ----------------------------------------------------- Question 15: Lenny, Squiggy, and Shirley? A. All In The Family B. None Of These C. The Golden Girls D. Cheers ----------------------------------------------------- Question 16: Al, Wilson, Jill, and Randy? A. Married...With Children B. Family Ties C. Home Improvement D. Charles In Charge ----------------------------------------------------- Question 17: Stan, Sophia, Dorothy, and Miles? A. The Golden Girls B. Who's The Boss? C. All In The Family D. Good Times ----------------------------------------------------- Question 18: Whitley, Dwayne, Jaleesa, and Ron? A. The Cosby Show B. Martin C. Living Single D. A Different World ----------------------------------------------------- Question 19: Hayden, Christine, and Luther? A. Mama's Family B. Full House C. Growing Pains D. Coach ----------------------------------------------------- Question 20: Lamont, Grady, Fred, and Esther? A. Family Matters B. Good Times C. Mama's Family D. Sanford And Son Check Answers Here. Quote of the week . . . "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." - Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, in 1943 Contact Information ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ email: newsletters@dicklarkin.com voice: 858-614-5425 web: http://www.dicklarkin.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~