July 14, 2003
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in this issue
-- The Chicken Diva
-- Answer to Last Week's Brainteaser
-- This Week in Pictures
-- A Bush in the hand is worth two on a bird
-- Why are leaders always so cocky?
-- Efficiency Expert
-- Traffic? What Traffic?
-- Voodoo Economics
-- This Week's Brainteaser

The Chicken Diva back to top
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Big Bertha and Mabel have identical jobs at Tyson Chicken Processing Plant #474 that sits on the west end of Huntingburg in the shadow of the grain elevator and just down from the Massey Ferguson dealer.

The girls work side by side on the main production line lopping off chicken heads for 8 hours every day, six days a week.

It's not glamorous work. Neither of their original career plans included making McNugget stuffing as a top aspiration.

As a kid playing in the rubbish heap behind the truck stop, Big Bertha (she was born big) imagined herself becoming an astronaut. Unable to fulfill her dream of sipping Tang in the cosmos, Big Bertha lowered her sights from soaring with the birds to beheading them.

Bertha's bestest friend Mabel dreamed of marrying an Arkansas hillbilly and eventually becoming a US Senator of a state she'd never been to. After considering the absurdity of her scheme, she decided a career in chicken re-education was not so bad after all.

While both ladies have identical responsibilities at the plant, Mabel loves her job while Bertha hates hers.

The difference is that Mabel has a positive attitude of continual process improvement.

She gets excited each day finding ways to do her job a little faster, more efficiently and more effectively.

She's ridden in the "Chicken Coupe" twice, and has her photograph in the visitors' lobby where all of the tourists can admire it.

Mabel's most popular suggestion was having the Ginsu Girls on the line wear chain-mail gloves to protect their fingers and hands from accidental cuts.

This idea reduced the number of McFingernails by nearly 75%.

Mabel does three things that make her a process improvement diva.

1. She measures her productivity so that she can see how much better she's doing. She keeps a chart in her locker and writes down the number of decaps each day.
   
   
2. She looks at each step of her process and finds ways to make each more efficient. She came up with the idea of mounting two sharpening stones in the knife holsters. Now, each time the knife is holstered, it gets sharpened.
   
   
3. She celebrates each milestone of improvement with a special dinner of beef, pork or fish. Anything, as long as it's not chicken.

Answer to Last Week's Brainteaser back to top
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Last week's quiz was borrowed (ok, stolen) from Michael Feldman's Public Radio International show "WhadYaKnow?"


Question 1

According to the most recent available data (Fiscal Year 1996), who forms the largest group of foreign tourists to the United States?
1. The Japanese
2. The British
3. The French
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Question 2

Ishtar is the Babylonian goddess of what?
1. Wisdom
2. The moon
3. Love
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Question 3

Where are the Carotid Arteries located?
1. In the neck
2. In the legs
3. In the arms
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Question 4

In Australia, what should you expect when the bearded dragon lizard sits upright and points its head to the sky?
1. Drought
2. Rain
3. Bushfires
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Question 5

What are you eating if sauerkraut, Swiss cheese, corned beef, Russian dressing and pumpernickel bread are on your plate?

1. A Knuckle sandwich
2. A Chipped Slammer
3. A Reuben sandwich

Click Here for the Answers & Our Winner

This Week in Pictures back to top
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If those aren't dolphins, we're in big trouble.

Jean Piette from Switchboard was the first to send me this picture.

Here's a link to her favorite client

A Bush in the hand is worth two on a bird back to top
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Answer:

"Uh, I was looking for weapons of mass destruction?"

Michigan and California will be moving this year . . .

Why are leaders always so cocky? back to top
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They're not following him because they're too chicken.

(oooh, sorry about that)

Now THIS GUY was a REAL leader . . .

Efficiency Expert back to top
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Make sure you don't use a Brillo pad on all the stubborn stains.

The "National Do Not Call List" resulted from this column (or maybe not)

Traffic? What Traffic? back to top
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Earlier this week, California Governor, Gray Davis unveiled his administration's plan for easing the state's traffic congestion while caring for endangered species.

Lesa Bunce of USXchange Directories loaned me the coolest training video. It's no surprise they're winning the wiener races in Milwaukee.

Link to Lesa's website

Voodoo Economics back to top
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Let's see if I've got this straight. . .


French water = $4.00/gallon


Iraqi oil = $2.00/gallon





(Psst. . . I think we attacked the wrong country)

The disease that's way worse than SARS

This Week's Brainteaser back to top
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Buford has recently taken up coin collecting. He's saving his pennies to order the Chippendale Dancers Home Study Course he saw advertised on Late Nite Wrassling.

Buford's coin dealer informed him that 1972 pennies are significantly more valuable than 1932 pennies.

Can you explain this strange phenomenon to our dim-witted numismatist?

Email your answer to puzzler@dicklarkin.com

We'll select one entry to receive a pump action bottle-popper.

Quote of the week . . .

"My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying."
-- Ed Furgol



This quote sent in by Phil Rosenberg, the man who knows more about relationship selling than anyone I know.

Link to Phil's website

Contact Information back to top
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email: newsletters@dicklarkin.com
voice: 858-614-5425
web: http://www.dicklarkin.com
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