August 17, 2004
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-- My Leftist Views
-- My Favorite Book on Yellow Pages
-- Answer to Last Week's Brainteaser
-- Uh, could I borrow a pencil and paper?
-- It's low in carbs, but high in barnacles
-- I suppose it could be Sheryl Crow's house
-- Technical difficulties . . please stand by
-- Like shooting ducks in a barrel
-- Telephone Company Executives
-- Why did the duck cross the road?
-- This Week's Brainteaser
-- Quote of the Week

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My Leftist Views back to top
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Last Saturday, I had the unpleasant experience of dislocating my right thumb.

It was simply a minor misunderstanding with Vinnie, my bookie. I now have a new appreciation of the importance of settling my gambling debts in a timely fashion.

Having my right hand in a cast is kind of like having George W. Bush in the White House.

- It's temporarily made me into a left-winger, and not a very good one at that.

OK, that was pretty lame.

My dear wife and daughter accompanied me to the hospital. Dr. Buford and Dr. Festus, the attending emergency room physicians, stumbled through several unsuccessful attempts at "reducing" the dislocation.

"Reducing" is a medical euphemism for the Spanish Inquisition inspired technique of stretching the thumb ligaments until the owner of the thumb agrees that the earth is indeed flat and that Larry King has the best show on television.

To Dr. Buford and Dr. Festus's dismay, my thumb was not as easily persuaded as I, so they called for an orthopedic surgeon.

Judging by how quickly the specialist arrived, I'm guessing that he walked to the hospital from Phoenix.

Despite the late hour (it was by now around 2:00 AM), the specialist took the time to explain to me the situation with my hand, the various treatments available and his plan of action. He showed me the x-rays and pointed out how he intended to remedy the situation. He mercifully applied a double dose of anesthetic to make the procedure more bearable.

The specialist did not ask my opinion on what treatment I thought would be best. He informed me of his chosen course of action. Seeing no resistance from me, he proceeded to fix the thumb.

As Yellow Pages professionals, we are in much the same position as this specialist.

No, I'm not recommending that we twist our clients' thumbs until they holler.

I'm saying that we are highly trained professionals who are experts in our particular field of marketing. We must demonstrate the confidence to explain to our clients the various courses of action. We must provide evidence supporting the best solution. Then we proceed by leading the client to the rightful conclusion that is in the client's (not necessarily the salesperson's) best interest. Aspire to be a professional marketer who solves problems for clients.

Oh, and if all else fails, my friend Vinnie can recommend some highly effective powers of persuasion.

See you next week,
"Lefty"

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In the last newsletter, I asked for your opinions on how to best respond to a disgruntled former Yellow Pages advertiser. I received several great responses, but was unable to work the keyboard well enough to share them this week.

There's still time to provide your input. Read his letter at the link below.

Letter from a disgruntled Yellow Pages advertiser

My Favorite Book on Yellow Pages back to top
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This is my favorite book on Yellow Pages advertising. It helps anyone who relies on the Yellow Pages for customers to design ads that will have the maximum impact.

It's specifically targeted to attorneys, but the lessons apply to every Yellow Pages advertiser. I like that it's filled with specific tips that any business owner can immediately use to create advertising that is much more appealing to the precise customers he or she wants.

I've had the opportunity to talk with Kerry Randall, the author. He's a delightful guy who approaches Yellow Pages advertising through the eyes of a designer and an advertising agency strategist.

Give this book to a friend.

Answer to Last Week's Brainteaser back to top
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Buford and Festus were digging for artifacts in their backyard when Festus looked up at Buford and exclaimed,

"Hey Buford, I found me something that's been around for millions of years, but it ain't no older than a month."

Can you guess what Festus found?

See the Answer & Our Celebrity Winner

Uh, could I borrow a pencil and paper? back to top
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Having a lousy ad in a great location won't make the ad perform any better. It simply wastes a great location.

++++++++++++++++


At a recent Kelsey conference, a roofing contractor shared the story of how he paid $100,000 for a cheesecake that a YellowBook rep brought him.

The $100,000 cheesecake

It's low in carbs, but high in barnacles back to top
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To accommodate the changing tastes of Americans, McDonalds has introduced the new "McSquid" sandwich.

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I'm starting a new newsletter called "This Week in Pictures" that will feature several funny photos, quotes and a brainteaser or two.

To subscribe, send an email to photos@ypcommando.com.

It will be rated PG-13, and include marginal photos that missed the cut in this newsletter.

John Morana, a professional YP ad designer's Dos and Don'ts

I suppose it could be Sheryl Crow's house back to top
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Whaddya bet that this is Lance Armstrong's mail box?

Here's the bike that Lance decided not to use

Technical difficulties . . please stand by back to top
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If my computer saved me any more time, I'd never get anything done.

++++++++++++++++++++++

Got a good tip for YP advertisers? Send it my way, and I'll make you rich and famous.

Here's something you can add that will definitely generate more calls

Like shooting ducks in a barrel back to top
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Buford took up hunting just as the ducks wised up.

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CMR (YP Agency) of the Week - Marquette Group

Telephone Company Executives back to top
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I was VP of Sales for a huge telephone company for a chunk of my career. This photo reminds me of some of the senior decision makers I knew there.

Want to know specifically which Telephone Co. Executives I'm referring to?

Why did the duck cross the road? back to top
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The chicken had seniority in the union.

I was looking for weapons of mass destruction.

How the great minds of history answer this age old question

This Week's Brainteaser back to top
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Buford is holding something in his hand reciting the following riddle.

I started with three and felt a need
to cut one off and so I did the deed.

To my dismay it fell to the floor,
and in my hand I then had four.

Cutting another, I did contrive,
and in my hand I then had five.

Name for me these growing things,
and bask in the glory a correct answer brings!

Email your answer to puzzler@dicklarkin.com

The winner will receive an amazing array of WorldPages.com goodies.

To improve your random chances of winning, please include your name, company name and mailing address.

I draw the winner the day before I send the following newsletter, so enter early and often.

Is your company correctly listed in my link directory?

Quote of the Week back to top
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"Guys aren't able to get $15 or $20 million anymore, so you have to play for the love of the game."
- Penny Hardaway, NBA Basketball Player

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If you'd like to connect with other folks in the Yellow Pages industry, I invite you to join my LinkedIn network.

It's a complimentary service that allows like minded individuals to privately communicate with each other. If you'd like an invitation, please email me at Dick@ypcommando.com

All email addresses are kept private and are never shared, sold or otherwise abused.

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Know why I put quotes, jokes and puzzlers in this newsletter? Because everybody likes to smile!

If you like the quotes and puzzlers I use, you will certainly get a kick out of the "Really Good Quotes" newsletter. Every day, they send several great quotes and puzzlers that will keep you on your toes. There are very few ezines that I recommend, but "Really Good Quotes" is pretty dang good.

Sign up now at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/reallygoodquotes/

Start every day with a smile (and some fiber).

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I may invite 5 people to use Google's new free email system. If you want an invite, send me a note at Dick@YPcommando.com. It's pretty impressive for a complimentary service.


Contact Information back to top
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email: news@ypcommando.com
voice: 858-614-5425
web: http://www.YPcommando.com
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