June 22, 2004
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In this issue
-- The Sky Room
-- The Yellow Pages Store is Open
-- Answer to Last Week's Brainteaser
-- What's next, Lorena Bobbitt Cutlery?
-- Schmooz-a-palooza
-- Tougher than it looks
-- Buford's finally taking a vacation
-- Who needs Starbucks?
-- Can't be too careful
-- Does this qualify as finger food?
-- This Week's Brainteaser
-- Quote of the Week

If you are interested in connecting with other folks in the Yellow Pages industry, I invite you to join my LinkedIn network.

It's a complimentary service that allows like minded individuals to communicate with each other. If you'd like an invitation, please email me at Dick@ypcommando.com

If you'd like me to send this newsletter to your sales staff, just drop me a line with their emails. Your customers are probably reading this, shouldn't your employees?

The Sky Room back to top
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My wife had a major birthday this year. She'd kill me if I told you how old she turned, but let's just say that it rhymes with "nifty."

She didn't want a party or anything she'd have to clean up after. She simply wanted a nice dinner in an elegant restaurant. I told her that she was in luck because Applebee's was having a special on "All You Can Eat Riblets."

Next time, I'll make sure she isn't wearing stiletto heels before I offer birthday dining advice. You'd be surprised how deep a tiny Italian shoe spike can sink into manflesh.

Waiting for the paramedics to arrive, I recalled a conversation I had a few months earlier with Fernando.

Fernando and I had been the assistant directors of our church's Easter play for the young hooligans of the parish. Try to imagine the Charlie Brown Christmas production with a cast of caffeinated ferrets, and you'll have a pretty good idea of our "Disasterpiece Theater."

If you think Mel Gibson's version of the Passion was violent, you should have seen us backstage when Pontius Pilot wouldn't take off his Heely's sneaker skates and put on his sandals.

Every Wednesday night for several weeks, Fernando and I coached the juvenile delinquents (err, I mean actors) to prepare them for their first major theatrical humiliation.

We got to know each other a bit, and I asked Fernando what he did for a living.

He told me that he managed the Sky Room Restaurant in La Valencia Hotel in La Jolla, CA. I wasn't familiar with the restaurant, and he told me that sometime when I had a very special event to celebrate that I should let him know. The way he said it, I could tell that the Sky Room was a classy joint. I later found out that it's considered a local landmark. Hey, I don't get out much, ok?

Clutching an icepack over my shoe wound, I called Fernando and made reservations for dinner. He gave me several pointers including when to arrive to get the best table.

The evening of her birthday, Deborah and I were treated to the most enjoyable dinner we've ever experienced. The food was superb. The scenery, overlooking the crashing waves in the deep blue water on the La Jolla cove helped set the mood. And as the sun sank into the Pacific, the restaurant was bathed in a spectacular orange-red glow.

But what made the dinner truly memorable was the incredible service that we received, and how special Fernando made us feel.

The moment we were seated, he brought out a little padded stool for Deborah's purse. (Note to self. When a restaurant has a special stool to hold the woman's purse, just go ahead and start the paperwork for a second mortgage.) Fernando charmed and pampered us all night.

By the way, Deborah loved the dinner. And when Mama's happy . . . everybody's happy.

So what does this have to do with Yellow Pages?

Plenty.

I went to the restaurant because of Fernando's personal recommendation. Without his recommendation, I probably wouldn't have dined there because I wasn't familiar with the place.

Unfortunately for Fernando, his personal recommendations are limited to the number of people he meets and his ability to build a relationship with them before making a recommendation.

While he's waiting for word of mouth to convert into reservations, the restaurant's bills still need to be paid, the seats still need to be filled, and the business must go on.

Even though this La Jolla landmark restaurant is quite small, they had several empty tables the Saturday night that we were there. In a way, a restaurant is like an airline because empty seats mean business that's lost forever.

In the Sky Room, I'd estimate that every empty seat means at least a couple of hundred bucks of lost revenue per evening.

A well designed, tasteful ad in the Yellow Pages would probably fill some of those empty seats by directing people seeking a fine restaurant to consider the Sky Room. It would take only a few reservations to pay for a modest ad program. They don't need a huge ad, but they should be properly represented.

A Yellow Pages ad will never replace word of mouth business. However, it will help fill in the gaps to keep customers coming through the door. And every satisfied customer is another opportunity to build more word of mouth advertising.

Oh yeah, one last thing . . . if you're looking for a world class dining experience, call Fernando at the Sky Room. Tell him that Dick sent you.

The Yellow Pages Store is Open back to top
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There are several good books available on Yellow Pages advertising. I've put links to my picks in The Yellow Pages Store.

Check out these and other fine products in the YP Store

Answer to Last Week's Brainteaser back to top
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Every night Buford throws his pocket change into a bucket by his bed. He has amassed the tidy sum of $36.80.

Interestingly, he has equal numbers of quarters (25 cents), dimes (10 cents) and nickels (5 cents).

How many of each coin does Buford have?

See the Answer & Our Celebrity Winner

What's next, Lorena Bobbitt Cutlery? back to top
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Some things just don't go together.

For example, drinking and driving,
chewing tobacco and french kissing,
John Kerry and charisma.

Personally, I think there should be a 7-day waiting period every month before allowing an irritable female to buy a handgun.

Just a thought, I could just be a darned jerk.

++++++++++++++++

Speaking of birthdays, did you know the Yellow Pages hit a major milestone last year?

Belated Happy Birthday to the Yellow Pages

Schmooz-a-palooza back to top
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Don't forget to attend the upcoming Kelsey Group conference, Directory Driven Commerce 2004 - Reinventing the Yellow Pages.

Their last conference had nearly double the attendance they were expecting, and there's just no better place to get face time with the boozers and fakers (err, I mean movers and shakers) in the Yellow Pages industry.

The 411 on DDC2004

Tougher than it looks back to top
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I dare you to try saying this out loud without stopping to take a breath.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Do you have one of these in your home?

The secret weapon that telemarketers use to know when you're eating dinner.

Buford's finally taking a vacation back to top
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Like my dear sweet Grandma always said, "You can take the redneck out of the trailer park, but that just makes more work for the tornado to track him down."

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Speaking of my grandmother, she suffered from a disease that was way worse than SARS.

The disease more deadly than SARS.

Who needs Starbucks? back to top
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I suppose he could add the words ". . . under a barstool."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Alan Saltz is making a living selling an e-book telling advertisers how to improve the performance of their YP ad program.

His enthusiasm is contagious.

Legal Theft 2.1 by Alan Saltz

Can't be too careful back to top
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Don't you feel safer knowing that this bag of bullets warns of potential suffocation from allowing children to play with the bag.


For a good April Fool's joke, slip a little live ammo inside a bag of microwave popcorn. Golly, it's a hoot!

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What do McDonald's french fries have in common with the Yellow Pages?

It's more than wood pulp and yellow dye #5 . . .

The McDonald's Close

Does this qualify as finger food? back to top
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Kentucky Fried Chicken changed their name to KFC to improve their image.

Maybe these guys should change their name to SBR.

Does anybody know how this is served? On a stick? On a bun? Like onion rings?

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A discussion on finger food wouldn't be complete without my take on Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

The Krispy Kreme overnight success plan

This Week's Brainteaser back to top
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OK, here's a really easy brainteaser for all those who have trouble with algebra.

Why are manhole covers round?

Hint: It isn't because manholes are round.

Email your answer to puzzler@dicklarkin.com

I'm out of the "World Famous Bottle-Poppers", but if you're the winner, I'll send you something cool from our goodie closet.

To improve your random chances of winning, please include your name, company name and mailing address.

I draw the winner the day before I send the following newsletter, so enter early and often.

Do I have your company in my link directory?

Quote of the Week back to top
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"You cannot live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you."

- John Wooden (1910 - )

Ken Clark, a YP industry veteran publishes an outstanding newsletter that is certainly worth looking into.

Check out the YP Talk newsletter