February 23, 2004
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in this issue
-- Too much business?
-- This week's 5-second question
-- Answer to Last Week's Brainteaser
-- Guerilla Marketing Toolkit
-- This Week in Pictures
-- Surprise Party
-- Wet T-Shirt Contest
-- Email Man
-- Ambidextrous Praying
-- Still has that new casket smell
-- This Week's Brainteaser
-- Quote of the Week

Too much business? back to top
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I received a dozen good responses to the 5 second question, What do you REALLY say when a potential advertiser says that he has more business than he can handle?
Especially when you know he isn't telling the truth.

I'll be putting them up on the YPcommando.com website shortly, but until then, here is one of my favorites . . .

Hi Dick, Most businesses have different products and or services to offer, and profit margins vary on the different products or services. Find out what the customer's most profitable area is. I am sure the customer would agree, they would rather do more of the most profitable work. Talk about getting this customer a more profitable customer and I think he will listen. Mike Giblin Phone Directories Company L.P.

I'll keep this 5-second question for another week for those waiting until the April 15 deadline.

This week's 5-second question back to top
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What's your opinion?

What do you REALLY say when a potential advertiser says that he has more business than he can handle?
Especially when you know he isn't telling the truth.

I'll pull the opinions together and report them in an upcoming issue.

Send your opinion to Dick@YPcommando.com

Answer to Last Week's Brainteaser back to top
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Buford is an eBay junkie. He bragged to Festus that he bought the following items.

• A prehistoric arrowhead made of copper.
  
• The fossil skeleton of a dinosaur no bigger than a chicken.
  
• An ancient Roman coin marked 120 B.C.
  
• A red diamond ring.
  
• An ancient Egyptian cat mummy.

See the Answer & Our Celebrity Winner

Guerilla Marketing Toolkit back to top
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I have long been a fan of Jay Conrad Levinson's "Guerilla Marketing" books and tapes.

He captures the essence of the grassroots marketing that it takes to survive in any competitive business.

His team has put together a Guerilla Marketing toolkit that updates the best strategies and makes them easier to implement.

Guerilla Marketing goes hand-in-hand with Yellow Pages advertising. The more you understand the principles of building a local business, the better you will be able to become a valuable resource to your clients.

These guys are my heros.

Check out the new Guerilla Marketing tools

This Week in Pictures back to top
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I think this is the same bird that keeps pooping on my car.


++++++++++++++++++++++++++

And now a word from our sponsor . . .

This newsletter is underwritten by generous support of TransWestern Publishing, one of the nation's leading independent publishers of telephone directories. Serving 25 states with 340 directories, TransWestern delivers outstanding value to a quarter million local advertisers.

We may not make the most noise in the market place, but we consistently deliver outstanding value for our advertisers.

We have several management positions open.

Surprise Party back to top
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This was a really fun party until they brought the cake out.

Wet T-Shirt Contest back to top
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To liven things up around here, we're holding a weekly wet t-shirt contest.

It gets pretty wicked.

I'll be speaking at the ADP Convention in April

Email Man back to top
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If you've ever wondered (and who hasn't) how email gets delivered to your computer, it's the email man

Let me know if you want your link added to my site

Ambidextrous Praying back to top
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I enrolled in a yoga class to become more flexible.

It ain't easy doing the splits when you've got a kickstand.

We put all of our job postings on WorldPages.com

Still has that new casket smell back to top
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The salesman said that it was owned by a little old lady who only drove it to church.

I put a few more tips up on my website.

This Week's Brainteaser back to top
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Festus hired Buford to work the drive through window at his new restaurant,

“ Critter-on-a-Stick.”

Every “Atkins Friendly Varmint Meal” is supposed to contain 4 items . . .

• Critter
  
• Stick
  
• RC Cola
  
• Fried fat chips
  
  

At the end of the first day Buford served exactly 100 Varmint Meals, but he made the following errors:

• 70 meals contained no Critter
  
• 75 contained no stick
  
• 85 contained no RC Cola
  
• 80 contained no fried fat chips
  
  

What is the minimum number of Varmint Meals that contained none of the 4 items? (The customer left with an empty sack).

Email your answer to puzzler@dicklarkin.com

We'll select one entry to win one of the few remaining bottle-poppers with a year's supply of bragging rights.

To improve your random chances of winning, please include your name, company name and mailing address.

Want some free airtime? Send me a photo, idea, tip, quote or cash, and I'll throw you a link.


Quote of the Week back to top
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If I said to you, "I have a great idea for a business. I'll open a whole new type of a coffee shop. A whole new type. Instead of 60 cents for coffee I'll charge $2.50, $3.50, $4.50, and $5.50." "Not only that, I'll have no tables, no chairs, no water, no busboy, and you'll clean it up for 20 minutes after you're finished." Would you say to me, "That's the greatest idea for a business I ever heard! We can open a chain of these all over the world!" No, you would put me right into a sanitarium.

Jackie Mason talking about Starbucks