Nov. 17, 2003
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in this issue
-- Predicting Buying Events
-- Recommended Reading
-- Answer to Last Week's Brainteaser
-- Nearly Famous
-- What do you really think?
-- Would the Real Leader please stand?
-- This Week In Pictures
-- Popping Wheelies
-- X-treme Road Rash
-- This Week's Brainteaser
-- Quote of the Week

You may find it easier to read this newsletter as a web page. It's at YPcommando.com.

Send someone you know a complimentary subscription to this newsletter.

Email me their address, and I'll send them an invitation. They can choose if they'd like to subscribe.

It's not too late to enter our Headline Contest!

What's the best headline you've seen in a Yellow Pages ad? Here's another good one I received from Pat Conlon at Marketing Directory Services. Under "Pest Control Services," Yaakov Brody & Sons in Baltimore use the following headline:

• Attorneys
  
• Contractors (any type)
  
• Automotive

Predicting Buying Events back to top
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We were interested in learning more about how consumers used the Yellow Pages, so we hired a crack team of experts to complete an exhaustive study of consumer buying patterns. Our researchers met at a local watering hole for their preliminary planning meeting. They emerged a few months later with vague recollections of flaming tequila shots but alas, no real research.

So to justify the bar tab (er, I mean "research budget"), we swiped a report that Simmons National Consumer Survey did for the YP-IMA Media Guide. (But don't tell anyone, ok).

Amazing Discovery
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Here's what we found. (Drum roll please.)

There are certain times when consumers use the Yellow Pages more than other times.

Amazing, isn't it. We were very impressed ourselves, and asked our researchers to explain how this was possible. Unfortunately, our crack statisticians dumped us to do some public opinion polling for Michael Jackson's new reality TV show "Average Joe Freakazoid."

We had to actually read the Simmons report ourselves (something almost unheard of around here) to make up our own conclusions.

What we found was that as consumers go through life, there are events when their spending habits increase significantly. To make this report appear more impressive, we wanted a sophisticated term to identify these peak usage points. After much consideration we decided to call them "Peak Usage Points." (Clever, huh?)

These Peak Usage Points (PUPs) coincide with large increases in Yellow Pages look-ups.

Taking it to the Street
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Let's use this information to target the big spenders.
(You're probably starting to understand why our researchers stayed in the bar so long).

Read how to make money using this information.

Recommended Reading back to top
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Several people asked me how to get a copy of the e- book on Yellow Pages that I raved about last week.

Follow the link below to get your copy.

I am particularly impressed with the section on writing headlines. You can't underestimate the impact a good headline will have on an ad. That section alone is worth the price of the book.

Click here for your copy of Wipeout today

Answer to Last Week's Brainteaser back to top
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Buford loves shopping at Costco. Recently, he bought the "Mega-Mega-Pack" of work gloves. He has no plans to do any actual work, he just can't pass up a bargain.

The pack includes 6 pairs of black gloves, 6 pairs of gray gloves and 6 pairs of brown gloves.

He tossed all of the gloves randomly into an old bait bucket he keeps next to his waterbed.

In complete darkness (because he didn't pay his light bill) how many gloves does Buford have to pull out of the bucket before he is certain to have a matched pair of right and left gloves of the same color?

The Answer is . . .

OK, this is really, really scary. The brightest minds in the Yellow Pages industry have been trumped by a 3rd grader.

Click Here to See the Answer & Our Celebrity Winner

Nearly Famous back to top
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I had a big week in the spontaneous publicity department. I wrote an article that was published in Jupitermedia's "Search Day", I was quoted in another article in The InternetNews "Internet Advertising Report" and have been selected to speak about Internet Yellow Pages at the Search Engine Strategies Conference.

In other news . . .
Yellow Book was recently featured in an article in Fortune magazine. Although Yellow Book is a fierce competitor of my company, we all benefit when they promote Yellow Pages advertising.

I'm pleased that several hundred Yellow Book employees are faithful subscribers to this newsletter.

Special thanks to Pam Kelsey for snapping the photo of this handsome devil.

Link to Fortune Article

What do you really think? back to top
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Wouldya do me a favor?

If you like this newsletter, please give me a great rating.

Rate Yellow Pages Commando News once a day! Rating: 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 10 is the best.

Would the Real Leader please stand? back to top
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This fable has nothing to do with Yellow Pages. I was sitting around minding my own business when it came spilling out of my head.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Buford's cousin Schlumpy is the Mayor of TinSides, California - a fictional trailer park that was threatened by the recent devastating wildfires.

As the inferno raged through the southland, Mayor Schlumpy used this opportunity to bolster his stalled political aspirations. When the news crews rushed to cover the disaster, the Schlump-meister jockeyed for airtime.

Once on camera, Mayor McSleeze attacked recently exiled California Governor Pipi Wilson.

Hear what happens after the fires subsided

This Week In Pictures back to top
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It would be kind of tough to not drink and drive if you had this sidecar.

Popping Wheelies back to top
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I was popping wheelies in the parking lot and I lost my balance.

Man, was the boss mad!

X-treme Road Rash back to top
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I don't know much about motorcycle racing, but I don't think that this is proper riding form.

This Week's Brainteaser back to top
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Buford and Festus were preparing for their annual pilgrimage to Las Vegas.

Being a little short of cash, they decided to pay for their trip with winnings from the craps table.

To guarantee their odds of winning, they bought a loaded die to use at the table. (They let you bring your own dice in Vegas, don't they)?

The loaded die has a small weight inside and is slightly heavier which increases the odds of rolling a 7.

Buford bought 8 regular dice to divert attention from the loaded one.

Festus (being an idiot) mixed the loaded die in with the regular ones and now they can't tell them apart.

Using a balance scale, what is the fewest number of weighs they can perform to determine which of the 9 dice is the heavy one?

Email your answer to puzzler@dicklarkin.com

We'll select one entry to win one of the few remaining bottle-poppers with a year's supply of bragging rights.

The idea for this brainteaser came from Alan Saltz, author of Legal Theft 2.0.

Link to Alan's website

Quote of the Week back to top
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A mediocre idea that generates enthusiasm will go further than a great idea that inspires no one.

Mary Kay Ash