May 23, 2005
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-- An Insurance Agent is Stalking Me
-- Answer to Last Week's Redneck Riddle™
-- If it can possibly get screwed up . . .
-- I thought that toothpaste tasted fishy
-- Who lives in a pineapple . . .
-- Where's a fake cop when you need one?
-- If you can't go in style . . .
-- Last Chance to Vote
-- Mr. Popularity, we miss you.
-- This Week's Redneck Riddle™
-- Quote of the Week

To receive your own copy of the YP Commando News, send a blank email to subscribe@ypcommando.com

If you're looking for the report on the "World's Best Yellow Pages Ad," it will be out by July 4th. If you can't wait, there's a link to the preliminary results right below "Sponge Dog Square Pants."

An Insurance Agent is Stalking Me
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The Yellow Pages Commando World Headquarters sits 30 feet from an insurance agent licensing school.

Welcome to the Wallace Johnson School of Insurance Agentry

Every week, refugees from the ranks of the gainfully unemployed enter into the hallowed halls of the Wallace Johnson* Insurance Schools (motto: We train America's finest insurance agents . . . or anyone with $185.)

Upon graduation, the school spews forth freshly indoctrinated "representatives" like a dry heaving sailor after a Tijuana furlough.

The conversion from meandering civilian to financial advisor takes exactly one week. If you've ever seen a grub worm enter a cocoon and emerge transformed into a beautiful butterfly, it's kind of like that.

Except in reverse.

The problem with the insurance industry is that it's way too easy to enter. The lure of quick wealth draws people with no real aptitude for the service.

Where is the love?

The newly minted agents are embraced by the general public with an enthusiastic welcome generally reserved for flesh eating bacteria.

You'll hardly ever hear the phrases,
"Oh, you sell insurance?"
and
"Come over here and sit next to me,"
uttered in sequence.

My sources tell me that over 95% of these graduates will leave the insurance field within 5 years. They'll grumble that it's impossible to make a living and that it's too competitive.

They quickly realize that everyone sells about the same products for about the same prices. They'll say that there's no difference between agents.

They're absolutely right. And they're absolutely wrong.

There will be a few, and I mean very few, who break away from the pack and become six and seven figure earners.

Those will be the agents who invest in large Yellow Page advertisements, right?

Well, not exactly.

How the Top Agents get that way. (Hint: it ain't the Yellow Pages)

Answer to Last Week's Redneck Riddle™
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Buford T. Dingleberry's age is three years more than three times his son's age. Around the trailer park, they're know as "Big Fart" and "Little Fart."

After three years, Buford's age will be ten years more than twice his son's age.

What is Buford T. Dingleberry's present age?

See the Answer & the Celebrity Winner of Win the Yellow Pages War.

If it can possibly get screwed up . . .
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These lawyers mess everythig up.

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Peter Krasilovsky wrote a very insightful article on Amazon's A9 Yellow Pages. They have a fleet of specially equipped trucks driving around the country taking photos of every block.

As usual, Pete finds an opportunity where others have overlooked it.

Krasilovsky on Amazon's A9.

I thought that toothpaste tasted fishy
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Not only has my breath been smelling like Meow Mix recently; yesterday, I coughed a hairball into my coffee.

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The Kelsey Group weighs in with an opinion on the Yell acquisition of TransWestern Publishing.

What does Kesley say about Yell buying TransWestern?

Who lives in a pineapple . . .
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That settles it, my dog is watching entirely too much tv. I'm going to buy him a TIVO.

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World's Best Yellow Pages Contest
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I've received so many requests from people wanting to know which ads are receiving the most votes. Click on the link below for a quick look.

The final report will be much more comprehensive including comments and the actual full-sized ads.

Preliminary Results for World's Best Yellow Pages Ad.

Where's a fake cop when you need one?
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If you ask me, dirty tricks like this to keep me from breaking the law ought to be illegal.

If you can't go in style . . .
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If you can't go in style . . . then just go.

Last Chance to Vote
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Voting for the World's Best Yellow Pages Ad closes May 31.

Cast your ballot today.

Vote for the World's Best Yellow Pages Ad.

Mr. Popularity, we miss you.
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For some reason, this grave always has more flowers on it than any other in the cemetary.

This Week's Redneck Riddle™
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Buford T. Dingleberry's wife gave birth to Buford Jr. and his brother Scurvy in the same hour of the same day of the same year.

But Buford Jr. and Scurvy ain't twins. How can this be?

Email your answer to 122@redneckriddles.com

The winner will receive 15 minutes of uninterrupted fame.

I'll also select one winner to receive a paperback version of "Win the Yellow Pages War" by Kerry Randall. I only have a couple of the bound versions, but I offer the eBook on my YPcommando.com web site.

To improve your random chances of winning, please include your name, company name, and mailing address.

I draw the winner the day before I send the following newsletter, so keep voting until the polls close.

What the heck, I'm feeling generous, so this week I'll also throw in a copy of the Wisdom of Ginsu. An insider's view of the creation of a great American success story.

Wisdom of Ginsu (more)

Quote of the Week
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"When I was young I used to pray for a bike. Then I realized that God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness." - Emo Phillips