|
|
 |
|
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yellow Pages & Small Business Commando News
Kiss of Death
March 2006
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
in this issue
-- The Yellow Pages Kiss of Death
-- The Definitive Guide to Yellow Pages Advertising
-- Answer to Last Redneck Riddle
-- Probably Praying for a Bigger Bone (The dog, that is) -- This is the Answer: -- First Company Listed -- Rock Legend Retires -- The other white meat? -- How do you Plug a Commando? -- News Bits and Announcements -- This Week's Redneck Riddle -- Quote of the Week
Thanks to all who sent nice notes welcoming the return
of the Yellow Pages Commando News.
Yes, I
left "the other, other book" and am doing
some cool online
projects.
I received so many requests to share information
that I'm adding an announcements section
to the
newsletter. Send me a couple of lines about your
business, and I'll do
my best to include it.
|
The Yellow Pages Kiss of Death
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife and I were having a late afternoon
snack in
a grand, historic San Francisco restaurant perched
on a cliff suspended over the crashing waves of the
blue Pacific. As she sipped her wine and I drank my
beer, an uninvited guest joined us at the table.
A paperclip-sized cockroach scurried from
behind the
cut glass candleholder, stepped gingerly over the
placemat and stopped, Kafkaesque, in front of the
drink specials as if pondering the selection.
My wife barely controlled her natural instinct
to run
screaming from the establishment.
I convinced her to stay just long enough for
me to
chug the rest of my beer. Luckily, I can drain a
full Sammy in 8 seconds flat.
In the restaurant marketing business,
cockroaches
are the Kiss of Death. When la
cucaracha made his
presence known, the restaurant lost our patronage
forever; and no amount of advertising would ever win
us back.
Did you know there is a similar Kiss of Death
in
Yellow Pages advertising?
It’s true. If you do this one thing, your ad is
practically
guaranteed to fail. This mistake is so
destructive
that it will be nearly impossible for the ad to
generate enough calls to pay for itself.
Want to know what is the Yellow Pages Kiss of Death?
|
The Definitive Guide to Yellow Pages Advertising
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nearly one thousand people helped me
create the
definitive guide to Yellow Pages advertising.
There's never been a side-by-side
comparison of 38
full page Yellow Pages ads with a complete analysis
of why one ad will generate thousands of times more
calls than another ad.
The book also includes bonus material
showing a
beautiful example of an ad created using research
based on 77,000 metered telephone lines. This
knowledge is priceless for someone relying on the
Yellow Pages to drive customers to his business.
Download an electronic copy of "Ringing Up Profits" BEFORE you advertise in the Yellow Pages
|
Answer to Last Redneck Riddle
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buford and Festus's
"scam du jour" is to issue their own currency.
That way, they will never run out of money.
It's so simple that they can't believe no one
thought of it before.
Their three monetary units are Dingleberries,
Fartwinkles and Skeeters.
2 Fartwinkles are worth 3 Skeeters
4 Skeeters are worth 1 Dingleberry
So, 6 Dingleberries are worth how many Fartwinkles?
The winner receives an autographed copy of my latest
CD "Comando Secrets LIVE - How to Market
Your Local Business Online."
Didn't win? You can still get the CD here.
See the answer and the Redneck Riddles celebrity winner
|
Probably Praying for a Bigger Bone (The dog, that is)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Special thanks to Curt Wilson of Directory
Solutions
Ltd for this great photo. Click on the photo to go
to their website.
Send me your cool photos if you want "big time"
exposure like this.
Directory Solutions
|
This is the Answer:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is the Question:
What should you do if
you have
to fart in
an elevator?
More jokes
|
First Company Listed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some people will do ANYTHING to be the first
company
listed in the Yellow Pages.
Which is more important . . . being first, or
being first with the right message?
Got a funny Yellow Pages ad? Send it to
Dick@DickLarkin.com.
The Eight Key Words to Successful Negotiaiton ("The Phrase that Persuades")
|
Rock Legend Retires
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I received a note from the LM Berry company
that
grandson of company founder, Chuck Berry (not
pictured here) recently announced his
retirement from the
Yellow Pages business.
Chuck will forever be remembered as the
man who
gave rhythm to the walking fingers.
"The
pride and enthusiasm he has demonstrated in
working
for a company that his grandfather founded and his
father perpetuated is unbelievable," said Dan
Graham, President and CEO of The Berry Company.
"And gosh darn it," added Neg Norton,
President of the Yellow Pages Association of Retired
Rock
Legends, "How can anybody listen to those
riffs in
Johnny B. Goode without wanting to get up and shake
their goove thing?"
The "real" press release is here.
|
The other white meat?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wasn't quite hungry enough to eat a
horse.
|
How do you Plug a Commando?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With a penguin of course!
Special thanks to
Michael Katz of Blue Penguin
Development (not shown here) for plugging this
newsletter in his
newsletter about newsletters. (Try saying THAT
three times!)
Here's what he wrote . . .
This month’s field trip takes us
to San
Diego,
California, home of Dick Larkin and his company,
Small Business Commandos, Inc. Small
Business
Commandos helps companies be successful with their
Yellow Pages advertising and local online marketing.
Dick's newsletter, "Yellow Pages
Commando News by
Dick Larkin," is unique in many ways, but what stuck
me about it right away was Dick's "attitude"
peppered throughout. From the invitation to
sign up
("World Famous Newsletter. . . Incredibly Still
Free!"), to the jokes and funny photos, to wacky
pictures from Dick's vacation (it's not often you
see a photo of a grown man playing "Hot Potato" at
Disneyland with a bunch of 5 year olds), this
newsletter is nothing if not genuine, 100%, Dick
Larkin.
You'd have no trouble picking it
(and I
would guess,
Dick) out of the humdrum pile of boring business
communications we're all tortured by daily.
If
you're looking for an example of how to stand out,
look no further.
Think a Newsletter can help your business? Check this out first.
|
News Bits and Announcements
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
David Notestine sent me a note that Cyber-Robotics
has introduced a full service link
directory building service.
I have used
their Zeus
link directory building software for several years
for my own link directory, and I can vouch for how
effectively it builds traffic to a web site.
Doing it yourself takes
time. Sounds like they have solved that with a full
service solution.
Zeus
Internet Marketing Robot
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++
Will Scott, formerly of YPsolutions and Local
Matters has formed a new seach marketing company.
He's been in the eye of the local marketing tornado
for years and understands the game.
SearchInfluence.com
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++
Kaesu has developed a completely integrated web site
and online marketing solution for community
newspapers and their advertisers. With this
technology platform, publishers can manage the
paper’s web site with ease, posting classifieds,
display ads, news articles, events and much more.
Kaesu.com
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++
Are you in the YP Commando Link Directory?
|
This Week's Redneck Riddle
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A group of 100 rednecks got into a
massive brawl after the Daytona 500 and suffered the
following injuries: 70 rednecks lost an eye, 75 lost
an ear, 85 lost a finger, and 80 lost a toe.
What is the minimum number of rednecks that must
have lost
all four body parts?
Email your answer to
brawl@redneckriddles.com
The winner will receive 15 minutes of
uninterrupted
fame. And since I'm feeling generous, I'll
throw in copy of my new CD, "Commando
Tactics for
Marketing Your Small Business Online."
To improve your random chances of winning,
please
include your name, company name, and mailing
address.
I draw the winner the day before I send the
following newsletter, so keep voting until the polls
close.
More Redneck Riddles
|
Quote of the Week
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was married by a judge. I should have
asked
for a
jury. - Groucho Marx
Got a good quote? Send it my way, and I'll give you
the credit.
Here's a classic YP Commando Newsletter
|
Contact Information
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
phone:
760-579-1005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
|
|
